Groan all you want. I'll make more.

Perhaps I should make it a point to post really awful made-up jokes every two years or so. So here it goes:

What did the Motivational Speaker say to his clone?








You're not a repli-cant. You're a repli-can!

Ta Da!

My early Christmas finally arrived on Wednesday and I had it assembled by 11:30 that night. And here it is (cue the Monolith music from 2001):



Ain't it glorious?

This isn't an actual picture of the one I got (Mine is in Walnut instead of Dark Cherry), but you get the idea: Massive Media Storage. With all the DVD's and CD's put in, we have it at about 3/4 full, and I have been instructed by Mrs. Mosley that I'm not allowed to go beyond that (much like the LEGO Armoire agreement of 2008). This is fair, and will help to keep my spending in check.

One final word of warning to you, dear readers: No matter how cheap the deal is, don't purchase anything from DeepDiscount.com. They completely screwed the pooch in terms of customer service on my order and I eventually went with AVThingInItsPlace.com, who shipped it the day after I ordered it and arrived less than a week later. Kudos, AVTIIP. Kudos.

In. Awe.

The Beaver

I could really care less about Can-Mel-Gibson's-Career-Be-Saved film The Beaver. The one interesting thing in the trailer is that the voice Gibson uses as The Beaver sounds remarkably like Ray Winstone (which makes it hilarious). So the question is this: Is that voice Mel Gibson's, is it Ray doing an uncredited role, or is it Steve Coogan?

Friday AV Club News

Two Onion AV Club news items that tickled me just now:

The eight-bedroom Staten Island mansion used in The Godfather is up for sale with an asking price of $2.9 million—or “an offer they can’t refuse,” according to the hilarious Associated Press, although we’re pretty sure said offer would still need to be “lots of money,” as opposed to intimidation. It’s the perfect, insanely expensive Christmas gift for the pop-culture aficionado in your life. Just think of all the fun you could have with it—recreating the lavish wedding scene in the backyard, throwing a James Caan-style hissy fit about government agents in the driveway, etc. Unfortunately, the owners long ago replaced the tomato patch where Don Corleone died with a swimming pool, but maybe you can ask them to put it back in the contingencies?

You see? Forget all the yachts and the limos and the solids gold bathroom fittings. This is what rich people with style spend money on.

Assuaging fears that the just-wrapped Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides would be your final opportunity to see Johnny Depp swan about as Captain Jack Sparrow, Hitfix reports that Disney has been “quietly telling cast and crew” to set aside a future chunk of their lifetime to devote toward filming fifth and sixth installments in the franchise. The plan is to shoot them back-to-back—a strategy that left director Gore Verbinski a shattered man when he narrowly pulled it off on the second and third films, but which nevertheless earned the studio a shitload of money, so all’s well that ends profitably. Given that the Pirates films so far have already exhausted the myths of the Flying Dutchman, Davy Jones, and now The Fountain of Youth, expect the sixth film to just be two hours of Depp getting drunk on a beach.

Regrettably, I'd probably pay money to watch that. But in my defense, watching Johnny Depp get drunk on a beach is guarnteed to be more entertaining that the next Transformers sequel.

Samuel L. Jackson Quote of the Month: December 2010

The Negotiator falls into the category of a really good film that is largely forgotten. I didn't say great, mind you. Nobody is going to confuse it with The French Connection. But what it does, it does extremely well. Part of this goes to the two actors that star in the film who were both at the top of their game when it was made.

Jackson plays Danny Roman, an ex-hostage negotiator who takes some hostages of his own. Kevin Spacey plays Chris Sabian, another hostage negotiator called in for the crisis. And so you have two guys whose characters, by their very job definitions, know how to talk and how to talk well. It's the making of an entertaining night at the movies.

Lieutenant Danny Roman: "I like westerns, like Shane."

Lieutenant Chris Sabian: "It's interesting that you pick one where the hero dies."

Lieutenant Danny Roman: "What are you talking about? He doesn't die. He rides off into the sunset, and that kid says 'Come back, Shane!'"

Lieutenant Chris Sabian: "That's a common misconception, in the last frame he's slumped over on his horse."

Lieutenant Danny Roman: "So he was slumped, slumped don't mean dead."