Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Grab his bottom lip

From The Sun Online:

Tom Cruise's pregnant fiance Katie Holmes will be reminded to keep her vow of silence during birth - by signs plastered around their home.

The couple - following the Scientology tradition of a silent birth - had the posters delivered to their Beverly Hills mansion.

The 6 foot placards will be placed so Katie can see them in labour.

One reads: "Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable."

Dawson's Creek actress Katie, 26, must "keep mum" and will not even be allowed painkillers when she has the couple's first child due any day.

Friends - believed to be Scientology elders - were pictured carrying the huge white boards through the gates.

The "birthing boards" will also tell staff and visitors to stay silent.

Followers believe it is traumatic for babies to hear their mother scream or groan when giving birth. They think it can cause "psychic" damage, which takes years of therapy to overcome.

The cult's creator, sci-fi writer L. Ron Hubbard, once said: "Maintain silence in the presence of birth to save both the sanity of the mother and child."

The doctrine stresses newborns cannot be poked or prodded for medical tests or spoken to for seven days.

Katie began dating Tom, 43, last year. She was well-known for her Catholic beliefs but quickly fell pregnant and is yet to wed.
First of all, being that this is from The Sun, I'm going to take it with a grain of salt.

BUT, that being said, if this story is true, then I have my own advice for Katie: When your first serious contraction occurs, grab Tom's genitals and squeeeeezzzzeeeee them with every ounce of your strength, making sure to dig in your nails if possible. This should help somewhat to bear the pain. You should then follow this by doing the same in kind to any male that dares come near you holding a sign.

Don't worry, Scientologists. Her movements will be slow and very understandable.

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