STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.'s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'s and they need to get out.
Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.
By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say I did look it up, and that's not true. That's cause you looked it up in a book.
Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.
In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.
Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback.
I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.
OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!
And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.
I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will. As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!
Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.
Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.
Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you? [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.
John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.
Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.
Joe Wilson is here, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said? [looks horrified] I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Pat Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.
And we can't forget the new man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name "Snow Job." What a hero, took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.
Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.
I was vying for the job. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.
[Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference, at which Colbert is completely dismissive of questions he doesn't want to answer, i.e., all of them. He chooses among three buttons -- "Volume," "Eject" and "Gannon" -- to get rid of the offending speaker. But ultimately Helen Thomas causes Colbert to flee in terror from the press conference with her insistence that he answer her question, "So why did we invade Iraq?" Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bush's experience in China. He finally finds a way out, and runs frantically down the street and into a parking lot. Helen Thomas pursues Colbert relentlessly. He calls for help on an emergency phone in the parking lot, but the attendant also wants to know why we invaded Iraq. Colbert screams, "No!!!" Colbert fumbles nervously with his keys, having great difficulty getting into his car. Finally, he gets in, and continues to fumble trying to get the car started. He looks up and sees - Helen Thomas standing in front of the car! He screams, "No!!!" Colbert manages to drive away. He then takes the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. His car is waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in. He says, "What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home." The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, "Buckle up, hon." IT'S HELEN THOMAS!!! "No!!!"]
STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
I can't decide what my favorite part is ...
... so, screw it, I'm posting the whole thing (Courtesy of Daily Kos):
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Ocean
Once upon a time, there was a suave criminal named Danny Ocean who said:
From Coming Soon:
Ocean's 12 was wrong on so many levels and will forever tarnish the memories of the flawless jewel that came before. It ranks up there (or rather down there) with Alien: Resurrection and The Matrix Revolutions in terms of franchise spoilers.
I have to say that Ellen Barkin is a shrewd casting choice given that she is (a) not the blatant attempt at over-the-top A-List casting that Catherine Zeta Jones was and (b) she's bound to keep the film a bit more grounded. However, she's counterbalanced by Pacino, who is likely to ham up the proceedings and kill the sly humor of the original.
And I have to believe that it's the original film that they're trying to emulate with this third one. They're putting it back in Vegas and it will apparently involve yet another casino heist. Can they mine this territory any more than they already have? They are sensible enough to get a script written specifically for this third film, as opposed to the damned awkward "adaptation" of an old script for the second.
The articles notes that the screenwriting duo also did Rounders, which was an above-par film concerning poker. I guess they think this qualifies them to do a film located in Vegas, but it's important to note that the last feature film these guys wrote was the Walking Tall remake. Ugh.
Just ... just ... STOP, will ya please?!?!
"You think we need one more? You think we need one more. All right, we'll get one more."Listen to me: YOU DON'T NEED ONE MORE!
From Coming Soon:
Al Pacino will star in director Steven Soderbergh's Ocean's 13, targeted for a June 8, 2007 release, reports Variety.That's just marvelous. You guys are just killing me, here. Stop it, will you please? Just ... STOP!
Pacino joins the cast -- headed by George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Don Cheadle and Bernie Mac -- and their franchise's new leading lady, Ellen Barkin.
Jerry Weintraub is producing the film, which has a July 21 start date. Shooting is scheduled to take place in Las Vegas and Los Angeles.
Rounders screenwriters Brian Koppelman and David Levien wrote the script.
Details of the plot are being kept under wraps, but Warner Bros. revealed that Pacino will be playing Willie Banks, the owner of a high-profile casino and hotel in Las Vegas.
Ocean's 12 was wrong on so many levels and will forever tarnish the memories of the flawless jewel that came before. It ranks up there (or rather down there) with Alien: Resurrection and The Matrix Revolutions in terms of franchise spoilers.
I have to say that Ellen Barkin is a shrewd casting choice given that she is (a) not the blatant attempt at over-the-top A-List casting that Catherine Zeta Jones was and (b) she's bound to keep the film a bit more grounded. However, she's counterbalanced by Pacino, who is likely to ham up the proceedings and kill the sly humor of the original.
And I have to believe that it's the original film that they're trying to emulate with this third one. They're putting it back in Vegas and it will apparently involve yet another casino heist. Can they mine this territory any more than they already have? They are sensible enough to get a script written specifically for this third film, as opposed to the damned awkward "adaptation" of an old script for the second.
The articles notes that the screenwriting duo also did Rounders, which was an above-par film concerning poker. I guess they think this qualifies them to do a film located in Vegas, but it's important to note that the last feature film these guys wrote was the Walking Tall remake. Ugh.
Just ... just ... STOP, will ya please?!?!
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Movie Quotes: "Notting Hill"
Patrons, bloody patrons.
Posts have been light because things have been busy at work (and it looks like I'm not the only one). So, in light of this, I'm providing more filler material for a post, though it's material that does pertain to my current situation.
In case you haven't seen Notting Hill, there is a scene early on where we are introduced to the travel bookstore that William (Hugh Grant) and Martin (James Dreyfus) work at. A customer comes in looking for some material.
Posts have been light because things have been busy at work (and it looks like I'm not the only one). So, in light of this, I'm providing more filler material for a post, though it's material that does pertain to my current situation.
In case you haven't seen Notting Hill, there is a scene early on where we are introduced to the travel bookstore that William (Hugh Grant) and Martin (James Dreyfus) work at. A customer comes in looking for some material.
Customer: "Do you have any books by Dickens?"
William: "No, we're a travel bookshop. We only sell travel books."
Customer: "Oh, right. (pause, as he looks around some more) How about that new John Grisham thriller?"
William: "No, that's a novel too."
Customer: "Oh, right. (pause, as he looks around again) Have you got a copy of 'Winnie the Pooh'?"
William: (pause, while William stares at him) "Martin -- your customer."
Friday, April 21, 2006
Yeah, it's been that sort of week
Crimony, has it already been a week since my last post? Well, it's been sort of a freaky week, at that.
The big thing that happened was the clerk who works at the desk next to mine, who had a heart attack two weeks ago and was being prepped for a transplant, passed away on Easter Sunday. I'm sorry to say I didn't know the guy well, but he wasn't a big socializer to begin with. Though his health was less than good due to diabetes and his huge weight, he was also only forty-two. When it comes to dying at that age, it's definitely not the Meaning of Life I'd like to consider.
But Friday heralds a new weekend, which has Mrs. Mosley and I traveling back to Georgia to attend a retirement party for her grandfather. In the meantime, I'll forward you to perhaps the best blog title and header design I've seen in a while. Have a good weekend, folks.
And for Pete's sake don't die on me!
The big thing that happened was the clerk who works at the desk next to mine, who had a heart attack two weeks ago and was being prepped for a transplant, passed away on Easter Sunday. I'm sorry to say I didn't know the guy well, but he wasn't a big socializer to begin with. Though his health was less than good due to diabetes and his huge weight, he was also only forty-two. When it comes to dying at that age, it's definitely not the Meaning of Life I'd like to consider.
But Friday heralds a new weekend, which has Mrs. Mosley and I traveling back to Georgia to attend a retirement party for her grandfather. In the meantime, I'll forward you to perhaps the best blog title and header design I've seen in a while. Have a good weekend, folks.
And for Pete's sake don't die on me!
Friday, April 14, 2006
Movies: By the Numbers
This is a project I've been working off and on all week. It should entertain the passers-by until I get around to posting again later next week. So allow me to present: 100 Movie Quotes.
"Rolls-Royce Phantom two. 4.3 liter, 30 horsepower, six cylinder engine, with Stromberg downdraft carburetor, can go from zero to 100 kilometers an hour in 12.5 seconds. And I even like the color."
"Being the One is like being love. No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it. Through and through. Balls to bones."
"You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig."
"Two coffins... No, maybe three."
"I can't fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago."
"Consigliere, arrange a meeting with the heads of the five families ... this war stops now."
"Rolo was a purse snatcher. My father ran into him off duty, and he shot my father six times and got away clean."
"Fields in front. The village is wide open to horsemen... until the fields are flooded. One guard for each direction takes four. Two more as a reserve. You'll need at least ... seven, including me."
"Six hours of sleep is enough for a man, seven for a woman, and eight for a fool."
"Your brother, Harry Bailey, broke through the ice and was drowned at the age of nine."
"The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen ... Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!"
"These go to eleven."
"Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart!"
"You have thirteen hours in which to solve the labyrinth, before your baby brother becomes one of us ... forever."
"Fourteen years ago I was forced to make a commitment to an eight by nine cell, now you are going to be forced to make a commitment."
"You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike."
"Red, it took me sixteen years to get here. You play me, and I'll give ya the best I got."
"Seventeen years I've wanted that little item and I've been trying to get it."
"Eighteen months ago the first evidence of intelligent life off the Earth was discovered. It was buried 40 feet below the lunar surface near the crater Tycho."
"I'm responsible for nineteen of the twenty top-grossing films of all time."
"Very well, we'll give them shorter hours. We'll start by cutting their lunch hour to twenty minutes."
"Honestly, Boon, you're twenty-one years old. In six months you're going to graduate, and tomorrow night you're going to wrap yourself in a bed sheet and pour grain alcohol all over your head."
"That's some catch, that Catch-twenty-two."
"For twenty-three years I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now... well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!"
"You go in, find the President, bring him out in less than twenty-four hours, and you're a free man."
"There's nothing tragic about being fifty. Not unless you're trying to be twenty-five."
"Twenty-six months? For murder? I must meet your lawyer."
"This old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling out a twenty-seven B stroke six."
"I've been thinking. Tomorrow it will be twenty-eight years to the day that I've been in the service. Twenty-eight years in peace and war."
"In fact, I'd make a bet that except possibly for an afro, you look exactly the same as you did at twenty-nine."
"No one has to die at thirty!"
"My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at Thirty-One Flavors last night."
"Bill's thirty-two. He looks thirty-two. He looked it five years ago, he'll look it twenty years from now. I hate men."
"The last time that bear ate a lawyer, he had the runs for thirty-three days."
"Thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five thousand zulaks."
"Well, I've wrestled with reality for thirty-five years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. "
"I have no idea. But I'm suppose to kill him in less than thirty-six hours."
"The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it ... or you'll have a psychotic episode."
"Thirty eight ... simulated."
"What are the thirty-nine Steps?"
"I haven't lost my temper in forty years, but pilgrim you caused a lot of trouble this morning, might have got somebody killed... and somebody oughta belt you in the mouth."
"Your eyes are full of hate, forty-one."
"You want a question that goes with the answer for forty-two?"
"In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?"
"But being as this is a forty-four Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky?"
"How can you discuss his stock when the man has just leapt forty-five floors?"
"We got a banana boat at forty-six tomorra. If we pull a walkout it might be a few bucks from the shippers. Them bananas go bad in a hurry."
"I'm forty-seven. Forty-seven years old. You know how I stayed alive this long? Fear."
"For example, I use forty-eight percent of my brain. Do you know how much you use?"
"It is 2:24, Lieutenant, you've got forty-nine minutes."
"I can eat fifty eggs."
"What was it, Roswell? You had the space ship, the bodies, everything locked up in a bunker, the what is it, Area fifty-one."
"Exactly one minute, fifty-two seconds. That's excellent."
"One day I caught her stealing my lavender eye shadow and she smashed my face in with a shovel. I had fifty-three operations."
"Nailed it. And fifty-four is forty-five more than what is the answer, Marta?"
"Car fifty-five. Ah, we're in a truck!"
"Fifty-six men ... If I'd known it was going to be like this, I'd never have started."
"There are exactly fifty-seven card-carrying members of the Communist party in the Department of Defense at this time."
"Did Christy ever tell you 'bout the two kids murdered in fifty-eight?"
"I don't need no radar, I can tell! I just listen to the wind; it said, 'Fifty-nine, nail 'im!'"
"Sixty! We dropped at least sixty, wouldn't you say?"
"Linda Powell? Steve Dunne. Hey, yeah, I met you ... sixty-one hours ago. Yeah, that was me."
"Oh you ignorant, arrogant, ambitious... keeping sixty-two men in prison 'cause you got a palm tree for the work they did."
"We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be."
"We're now a quarter of an inch tall, and sixty-four feet from the house. That's an equivalent of three-point-two miles. That's a long way. Even for a man of science."
"That is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job."
"The time has come. Execute Order Sixty-Six."
"Sixty-seven years of life, forty-six years of marriage, you mean to tell me you never one time suffered from piles?"
"This is the worst fake I.D. I've ever seen. You realize you made yourself sixty-eight."
"Bitch, hang the phone up and star sixty-nine his ass!"
"Relax, would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens."
"I love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out."
"Gleemonex makes it feel like it seventy-two degrees in your head... all... the... time!"
"Page seventy three! Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now!"
"Not bad for a seventy-four year old. Simon Phoenix knows he has some competition."
"In her first year, Welton Academy graduated five students. Last year we graduated fifty-one. And more than seventy-five percent of those went on to the Ivy League."
"Seventy-six trombones led the big parade!"
"Fifty-two and twenty-five -- that's seventy-seven - spades is double - a hundred and fifty-four - and four boxes - you're blitzed in two games."
"He told me this morning when I examined him. He's seventy-eight."
"You see a black leather jacket, fingertip length, like the one Pacino wore in Serpico? You don't, you owe me three seventy-nine."
"'Shot in the back by Buford Tannen, over a matter of eighty dollars.' What kind of future do you call that? "
"Because I died ... in episode eighty-one!"
"There's a lot more than eighty-two toothpicks, Ray."
"I'll come straight to the point, General Kramer: Eighty-three Force Reconnaissance Marines have died under my various commands."
"With my added time for the escape, I don't get out now 'til 1987 ... I'll be eighty-four years old."
"His pulse never got over eighty-five, even when he ate her tongue."
"Eighty-six carats."
"Eighty-seven hours is an eternity. The cosmos was created in less time."
"When this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious sh*t."
"How can you be so selfish? We owe back rent - we're in four eighty-nine bucks to Moe's Delicatessen."
"Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes."
"Yes, but of course he didn't choose to attempt it in a ninety-one foot chamber pot. In any event, his was the only ship to do it and I believe he lost fifty percent of his crew."
"All right, there's a thousand things that have to happen in order. We are on number eight. You're talking about number six hundred and ninety-two."
"Cobalt thorium G has a radioactive halflife of ninety-three years."
"Ninety-four. But that means I've saved the lives of ten times that many, doesn't it? Maybe even 20, right? Twenty times as many? And that's how simple it is."
"There's a ninety-five pound Chinese man with a hundred sixty million dollars behind this door."
"Listen up, sportsfans. Word is, this particular broken arrow has broken up. Our ETA Utah is ninety-six minutes."
"Deckard, ninety-seven."
"The temperature topped out at ninety-eight degrees the day our lives were forever altered."
"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer. If one of those ... What happened to you back in Chicago?"
"Rolls-Royce Phantom two. 4.3 liter, 30 horsepower, six cylinder engine, with Stromberg downdraft carburetor, can go from zero to 100 kilometers an hour in 12.5 seconds. And I even like the color."
"Being the One is like being love. No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it. Through and through. Balls to bones."
"You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig."
"Two coffins... No, maybe three."
"I can't fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago."
"Consigliere, arrange a meeting with the heads of the five families ... this war stops now."
"Rolo was a purse snatcher. My father ran into him off duty, and he shot my father six times and got away clean."
"Fields in front. The village is wide open to horsemen... until the fields are flooded. One guard for each direction takes four. Two more as a reserve. You'll need at least ... seven, including me."
"Six hours of sleep is enough for a man, seven for a woman, and eight for a fool."
"Your brother, Harry Bailey, broke through the ice and was drowned at the age of nine."
"The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen ... Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!"
"These go to eleven."
"Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart!"
"You have thirteen hours in which to solve the labyrinth, before your baby brother becomes one of us ... forever."
"Fourteen years ago I was forced to make a commitment to an eight by nine cell, now you are going to be forced to make a commitment."
"You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike."
"Red, it took me sixteen years to get here. You play me, and I'll give ya the best I got."
"Seventeen years I've wanted that little item and I've been trying to get it."
"Eighteen months ago the first evidence of intelligent life off the Earth was discovered. It was buried 40 feet below the lunar surface near the crater Tycho."
"I'm responsible for nineteen of the twenty top-grossing films of all time."
"Very well, we'll give them shorter hours. We'll start by cutting their lunch hour to twenty minutes."
"Honestly, Boon, you're twenty-one years old. In six months you're going to graduate, and tomorrow night you're going to wrap yourself in a bed sheet and pour grain alcohol all over your head."
"That's some catch, that Catch-twenty-two."
"For twenty-three years I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now... well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!"
"You go in, find the President, bring him out in less than twenty-four hours, and you're a free man."
"There's nothing tragic about being fifty. Not unless you're trying to be twenty-five."
"Twenty-six months? For murder? I must meet your lawyer."
"This old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling out a twenty-seven B stroke six."
"I've been thinking. Tomorrow it will be twenty-eight years to the day that I've been in the service. Twenty-eight years in peace and war."
"In fact, I'd make a bet that except possibly for an afro, you look exactly the same as you did at twenty-nine."
"No one has to die at thirty!"
"My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at Thirty-One Flavors last night."
"Bill's thirty-two. He looks thirty-two. He looked it five years ago, he'll look it twenty years from now. I hate men."
"The last time that bear ate a lawyer, he had the runs for thirty-three days."
"Thirty-three, thirty-four, thirty-five thousand zulaks."
"Well, I've wrestled with reality for thirty-five years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it. "
"I have no idea. But I'm suppose to kill him in less than thirty-six hours."
"The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it ... or you'll have a psychotic episode."
"Thirty eight ... simulated."
"What are the thirty-nine Steps?"
"I haven't lost my temper in forty years, but pilgrim you caused a lot of trouble this morning, might have got somebody killed... and somebody oughta belt you in the mouth."
"Your eyes are full of hate, forty-one."
"You want a question that goes with the answer for forty-two?"
"In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?"
"But being as this is a forty-four Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky?"
"How can you discuss his stock when the man has just leapt forty-five floors?"
"We got a banana boat at forty-six tomorra. If we pull a walkout it might be a few bucks from the shippers. Them bananas go bad in a hurry."
"I'm forty-seven. Forty-seven years old. You know how I stayed alive this long? Fear."
"For example, I use forty-eight percent of my brain. Do you know how much you use?"
"It is 2:24, Lieutenant, you've got forty-nine minutes."
"I can eat fifty eggs."
"What was it, Roswell? You had the space ship, the bodies, everything locked up in a bunker, the what is it, Area fifty-one."
"Exactly one minute, fifty-two seconds. That's excellent."
"One day I caught her stealing my lavender eye shadow and she smashed my face in with a shovel. I had fifty-three operations."
"Nailed it. And fifty-four is forty-five more than what is the answer, Marta?"
"Car fifty-five. Ah, we're in a truck!"
"Fifty-six men ... If I'd known it was going to be like this, I'd never have started."
"There are exactly fifty-seven card-carrying members of the Communist party in the Department of Defense at this time."
"Did Christy ever tell you 'bout the two kids murdered in fifty-eight?"
"I don't need no radar, I can tell! I just listen to the wind; it said, 'Fifty-nine, nail 'im!'"
"Sixty! We dropped at least sixty, wouldn't you say?"
"Linda Powell? Steve Dunne. Hey, yeah, I met you ... sixty-one hours ago. Yeah, that was me."
"Oh you ignorant, arrogant, ambitious... keeping sixty-two men in prison 'cause you got a palm tree for the work they did."
"We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be."
"We're now a quarter of an inch tall, and sixty-four feet from the house. That's an equivalent of three-point-two miles. That's a long way. Even for a man of science."
"That is a noble cause. Give me the sixty-five, I'm on the job."
"The time has come. Execute Order Sixty-Six."
"Sixty-seven years of life, forty-six years of marriage, you mean to tell me you never one time suffered from piles?"
"This is the worst fake I.D. I've ever seen. You realize you made yourself sixty-eight."
"Bitch, hang the phone up and star sixty-nine his ass!"
"Relax, would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens."
"I love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out."
"Gleemonex makes it feel like it seventy-two degrees in your head... all... the... time!"
"Page seventy three! Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now!"
"Not bad for a seventy-four year old. Simon Phoenix knows he has some competition."
"In her first year, Welton Academy graduated five students. Last year we graduated fifty-one. And more than seventy-five percent of those went on to the Ivy League."
"Seventy-six trombones led the big parade!"
"Fifty-two and twenty-five -- that's seventy-seven - spades is double - a hundred and fifty-four - and four boxes - you're blitzed in two games."
"He told me this morning when I examined him. He's seventy-eight."
"You see a black leather jacket, fingertip length, like the one Pacino wore in Serpico? You don't, you owe me three seventy-nine."
"'Shot in the back by Buford Tannen, over a matter of eighty dollars.' What kind of future do you call that? "
"Because I died ... in episode eighty-one!"
"There's a lot more than eighty-two toothpicks, Ray."
"I'll come straight to the point, General Kramer: Eighty-three Force Reconnaissance Marines have died under my various commands."
"With my added time for the escape, I don't get out now 'til 1987 ... I'll be eighty-four years old."
"His pulse never got over eighty-five, even when he ate her tongue."
"Eighty-six carats."
"Eighty-seven hours is an eternity. The cosmos was created in less time."
"When this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious sh*t."
"How can you be so selfish? We owe back rent - we're in four eighty-nine bucks to Moe's Delicatessen."
"Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes."
"Yes, but of course he didn't choose to attempt it in a ninety-one foot chamber pot. In any event, his was the only ship to do it and I believe he lost fifty percent of his crew."
"All right, there's a thousand things that have to happen in order. We are on number eight. You're talking about number six hundred and ninety-two."
"Cobalt thorium G has a radioactive halflife of ninety-three years."
"Ninety-four. But that means I've saved the lives of ten times that many, doesn't it? Maybe even 20, right? Twenty times as many? And that's how simple it is."
"There's a ninety-five pound Chinese man with a hundred sixty million dollars behind this door."
"Listen up, sportsfans. Word is, this particular broken arrow has broken up. Our ETA Utah is ninety-six minutes."
"Deckard, ninety-seven."
"The temperature topped out at ninety-eight degrees the day our lives were forever altered."
"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer. If one of those ... What happened to you back in Chicago?"
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Change of Subject
OK, that steak is making me crazy hungry every time I see it, so I need to bump it down. Thus, another post. A post which is not about anything in particular, but allows me to post a purty non-food related picture that was a topic of a recent discussion:
A majority of this film was actually shot here in Jacksonville. The release has been delayed for awhile, but it's apparently premiering at the Tribeca Film Festival later this month. As bad as his track record is lately, here's hoping that Jacksonville neighbor Travolta finally got one right this time.
A majority of this film was actually shot here in Jacksonville. The release has been delayed for awhile, but it's apparently premiering at the Tribeca Film Festival later this month. As bad as his track record is lately, here's hoping that Jacksonville neighbor Travolta finally got one right this time.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Sushi & Steak ... uh, make that two Steaks, hold the Sushi
Via Metafilter, we learn that the Sushi we're eating is probably produced by a whako religious cult (which also owns the Washington Post, but nevermind). And then we learn about the culinary habits of Argentineans, which motivates me to buy a ticket to the land of Eva Peron today:
Warning: Staring at this picture for too long will result in a massive coronary.
Warning: Staring at this picture for too long will result in a massive coronary.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
And the hexagons are there to hold all the honey the blog naturally creates
Yes, yes. New look to the old site. Blah blah blah.
I'll be tweaking the colors and such over the next couple of days, but otherwise this is the new look for Acrentropy. Enjoy!
I'll be tweaking the colors and such over the next couple of days, but otherwise this is the new look for Acrentropy. Enjoy!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Americus and Gratuitous Political Commentary
Mrs. Mosley and I spent a lovely weekend at a B&B in Americus, Georgia to celebrate our third anniversary. During our stay, we managed to see two of the three big tourist spots in the area, and I came away with some thoughts on all three:
The Andersonville National Historic Site currently has, in addition to the site of the infamous Civil War Prison Camp, the new National Prisoner of War Museum. This museum of artifacts and information about American POW's also includes video interviews of POW's from every war since WWI. It's an incredibly moving exhibit that brought back memories of our visit to the Holocaust Museum in D.C. back in September.
I wish I could fly every American (particularly those who would turn a blind eye to Guantanamo) down to Andersonville to visit this museum and listen to this record of human suffering. Oh, never mind, I forgot. "9/11 changed everything". Including our sense of moral responsibility, I guess.
The Jimmy Carter National Historic Site has preserved the former President's boyhood farm and home just as it had been when he was growing up in the 1930's. We visited at 10:00 Sunday morning, which means we had the park all to ourselves, save for the kindly park attendant in the wheelchair. When you walk through the house and other buildings on the property, you can press a button and actually hear a recording of Carter recalling his poor upbringing. One gets the impression that the man who grew up here was kind, humble, good Christian who knew the meaning of an honest day's work and the plight of the common man.
Given all of this, it's a truly depressing thought that many Americans, when they consider our recent presidents, think of George W. Bush as the embodiment of these traits.
Habitat for Humanity has their international headquarters located in Americus as well as their "Global Village and Discovery Center", which is an educational site that contains "life-size Habitat houses from countries around the world". We only got to drive by this place on our way to Plains, but we could see all the different buildings through a chainlink fence. On the opposite side of the road, you could see dilapidated and crumbling old homes, due to the fact that this attraction is on much poorer side of town.
In other words, one side of the road has fake shanty towns and the other had real examples of urban decay.
(sigh)
I know what you're thinking: Great place to take the little woman for your anniversary! What's on the schedule next year? A leper colony, perhaps?!?! Truth be told, we both enjoyed ourselves very much. It was decent weather, a luxurious B&B (especially for the money we paid) and, true to our history major backgrounds, a worthwhile educational experience.
Still, maybe next year we can visit some attractions that don't talk in depth about diarrhea.
The Andersonville National Historic Site currently has, in addition to the site of the infamous Civil War Prison Camp, the new National Prisoner of War Museum. This museum of artifacts and information about American POW's also includes video interviews of POW's from every war since WWI. It's an incredibly moving exhibit that brought back memories of our visit to the Holocaust Museum in D.C. back in September.
I wish I could fly every American (particularly those who would turn a blind eye to Guantanamo) down to Andersonville to visit this museum and listen to this record of human suffering. Oh, never mind, I forgot. "9/11 changed everything". Including our sense of moral responsibility, I guess.
The Jimmy Carter National Historic Site has preserved the former President's boyhood farm and home just as it had been when he was growing up in the 1930's. We visited at 10:00 Sunday morning, which means we had the park all to ourselves, save for the kindly park attendant in the wheelchair. When you walk through the house and other buildings on the property, you can press a button and actually hear a recording of Carter recalling his poor upbringing. One gets the impression that the man who grew up here was kind, humble, good Christian who knew the meaning of an honest day's work and the plight of the common man.
Given all of this, it's a truly depressing thought that many Americans, when they consider our recent presidents, think of George W. Bush as the embodiment of these traits.
Habitat for Humanity has their international headquarters located in Americus as well as their "Global Village and Discovery Center", which is an educational site that contains "life-size Habitat houses from countries around the world". We only got to drive by this place on our way to Plains, but we could see all the different buildings through a chainlink fence. On the opposite side of the road, you could see dilapidated and crumbling old homes, due to the fact that this attraction is on much poorer side of town.
In other words, one side of the road has fake shanty towns and the other had real examples of urban decay.
(sigh)
I know what you're thinking: Great place to take the little woman for your anniversary! What's on the schedule next year? A leper colony, perhaps?!?! Truth be told, we both enjoyed ourselves very much. It was decent weather, a luxurious B&B (especially for the money we paid) and, true to our history major backgrounds, a worthwhile educational experience.
Still, maybe next year we can visit some attractions that don't talk in depth about diarrhea.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Forest Whitaker Quote of the Month: April 2006
You've got to hand it to Joel Schumacher. Shortly after the unmitigated disaster that was Batman & Robin, he went back to basics (or should I say basic training) with the locally shot Tigerland starring an unknown Irish actor named Colin Farrell. It was a minor success with both critics and audiences.
Only two years later, he went back to the lean-and-mean formula with Colin again to produce Phone Booth. The action unfolds in real time and the film clocks in at a very spare 81 minutes, so there's very little time for pithy remarks. Still, the verification that Forest Whitaker's character, NYPD Captain Ramey, asks from a fellow officer is priceless in both content and delivery:
Only two years later, he went back to the lean-and-mean formula with Colin again to produce Phone Booth. The action unfolds in real time and the film clocks in at a very spare 81 minutes, so there's very little time for pithy remarks. Still, the verification that Forest Whitaker's character, NYPD Captain Ramey, asks from a fellow officer is priceless in both content and delivery:
Captain Ed Ramey - "Verify this information for me. The guy in the booth shot that guy over there and stuck around to make a phone call - Is that correct?"
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