Where's Mike Ovitz when you need him?

Two things to note on the whole Jay Leno/Conan O'Brien brouhaha:

First off, the joke Jay Leno told in his monologue last night ("What does NBC stand for? Never Believe your Contract.") isn't a new one. In the HBO movie The Late Shift about the Leno/Letterman conflict in the early Nineties, The guy playing Leno makes the same joke at a news conference. Whether that joke was actually made by Leno in real life or the scriptwriters made it up, it's ironic for Jay to use it now.

Second, you just know somewhere David Letterman is laughing his ass off. Not at the misfortune of Jay, mind you, but at the incredible incompetence of the NBC management. One of the nice moments in The Late Shift is the one scene where the two stars actually meet. They are friendly to each other, if not actually friends. The message is that these are just two comedians doing their job who have professional respect for one another.

And now Dave is safe at CBS away from this whole NBC debacle. Granted, he has his own worries what with his recent sex scandal, but at least in that case was the one doing the screwing and not the one being screwed.

"Thou know’st. The Knave abideth."

I am totally and utterly speechless (via Metafilter). So much work must have been put into this, but the time and effort really shows. A sample (which mirrors this quote):

WALTER

My lord, I do deny it is her toe.

THE KNAVE

Whose toe be it, if not my lady’s toe?

WALTER

Vexatious problem that, but not of heft.

There’s naught to indicate the lady’s harm’d.

THE KNAVE

The fresh green paint of fair Miss Bonnie’s nail!

WALTER

Marry, sir, nail-painting, rugs and urine.

A man may paint the white toe green, tell her,

Paint an inch thick, to this favour she must come.

THE KNAVE

And where might a man fetch a toe?

WALTER

O toe!

Thou wouldst have a toe? A toe can be obtain’d.

Ways are known, Knave. Thou wilt not like to hear.

I’ll have a toe for thee this afternoon

Ere singeth cockerel at three o’clock.

"I'm never, ever sick at sea."

For my money, there are few three minute movie scenes I have seen in the past couple years that beat this one. Hoffman is beyond awesome, and he should be hired for additional Sorkin projects.

If these two had a drummer and sang different jingles on each commercial...

I came across this book on the library shelf today:


I haven't read it, but I'm going to guess one of the tips isn't "Don't pointlessly pay for something you can get free anyway just because some famous schmuck tells you to."

Cheap shot of the day (courtesy of Don Imus)!

So Brit Hume tries to "save" Tiger Woods by explaining to him that forgiveness and redemption lie only in Christianity, not in Tiger's Buddhism. Don Imus, of all, people does a little fact checking:

IMUS: "Well, we checked this morning and unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately if you are a Buddhist, there is a path to recovery and redemption. Right? Well yes there is. The idea of redemption — nirvana under Buddhism — is achieving the state of being freed from greed, hate, and delusion."

Hmmm. "The state of being freed from greed, hate and delusion". Well, that pretty much excludes all of FOX News right there.

Samuel L. Jackson Quote of the Month: January 2010

One of my goals in doing this "Quote of the Month" series was to, in the process of researching quotes, get myself exposed to new films. Well, with the arrival of little C.C., I'm finding myself with less time to do so. In light of this, I've decided to choose an actor for 2010 that will make my job easier.

Well, I suppose it's hardly a surprise when the guy's name is in the post title.

But even though I'm choosing someone who has entire websites dedicated to his quotes (I haven't checked, but I'm sure there are some), I'm going to attempt to choose some less obvious films and quotes. In other words, don't expect anything that combines snakes and planes.

So, in that vein, let's start with one of his early films that some people are surprised to hear that he was even in: Jurassic Park. Yes, indeed. It was Samuel L. Jackson and Wayne "Newman" Knight who played Ray and Dennis, who worked behind the scenes at the park. And you can bet that Knight (who rarely plays anything but "Newman") is irritating enough to raise that superb Jackson ire:

Ray Arnold: [trying to bring the system back on-line] "Access main program. Access main security. Access main program grid."

Dennis Nedry: [on computer] "Uh uh uh! You didn't say the magic word! Uh uh uh!"

Ray Arnold: "Please! God damn it! I hate this hacker crap!"