Even though it hasn't appeared on the local news sites, George W. Bush is coming to speak at Alltel Stadium at 4pm. The event is free to attend, but there will be substantial security searches and people have to be in their seat by 2:30 and wait there for 90 minutes.
With all respect to the Bush campaign, this city can't manage to get enough people to fill our stadium for Jacksonville Jaguar home games. What makes you think that locals will put up with sitting in uncomfortable plastic seats for 90 friggin minutes in order to listen to some political yahoo from New Haven, Connecticut?
Oh, sorry, excuse me. I meant to say Crawford, Texas, because it's impossible for such a down home country boy to have been born and raised in liberal-infested New England!
OK, I've reached my limits for italics for today. I'm through.
(Addendum: Like pre-pubescent girls excited to see Nsync, people apparently lined up at 8am for this, so I stand corrected. I could say something about how this proves there's nothing to do on a Saturday in Jacksonville, but I'll instead chalk it up to the Republican fervor that dominates this town and call it a day. See you on Monday, folks.)