1. A cat may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. This includes transmogrifying from "adorable kitty enjoying a tummy rub" to "bandsaw" without warning.
2. A cat may not barf on the floor or, if the barfing is unavoidable, will only barf on kitchen tile, rather than the goddamned carpet.
3. When I am struggling under the weight of an overstuffed armchair, carrying it from the the living area to the kitchen so the cleaner guys can come and steam the seven gallons of cat barf out of the carpet, a cat (specifically: Louie) may not suddenly decide that this would be a wonderful moment to affectionately rub against my legs, or I swear to Baal I'M GOING TO DROP THIS MOTHERLOVING SOFA RIGHT ON YOU YA FREAKIN MORON!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
A film with Will Smith fighting mutant tabbys would be so much more interesting.
Defective Yeti has a great post up about how Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics should be modified to cats if we get to the point where we can fine-tune them through genetic engineering: