From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska:

You know, Top Ten lists like this one make me wish I was still staying up late to watch Letterman. Oh well, that's what the Internet is for:

Top Ten Rafael Palmeiro Excuses

10. "Pete Rose bet me I wouldn't do it"
9. "There wasn't a Starbucks around and I needed a quick pick-me up"
8. "I enjoy the fresh minty flavor"
7. "Uhh, I lost it in the sun?"
6. "Somebody must've slipped something into my Viagra"
5. "Steroids illegal?! Since when?"
4. "Heard steroids give your mustache a glossy coat"
3. "Memory loss from steroid use made me forget I was on steroids"
2. " 'Roids rule, dude!"
1. "How am I supposed to keep track of every single thing I stick up my ass?"